BA 23 – 34 Seahawks

Scorers

Racer: 2 tries

Sean: 1 try

Rubble: 2 penalties, 1 conversion

It was a rough day for the Baracus. Despite some great play from the team, we fell to our opponents, the San Jose Seahawks. Early in the game, Baracus had the clear advantage. In addition to the high team morale and strong play, the wind was blowing in BA’s favor (literally).

Soon into the 1^st half of the match, Baracus was awarded a penalty, and Rubble chose to quick for points and was successful. With the score 3-0 only minutes into the game, BA’s morale was high and the Seahawks were on their heels. Kuhns took it to a whole new level of intensity by beasting a tackle against a San Jose player, which quickly became his theme for the game.

Hans and Roxie made some awesome runs during the first half, and Kuhns went all out beast mode again, but this time it was in the form of a great run up the pitch from the back of a lineout. It was off this same play that got the ball to Racer, who ran in to score a try (his first of two during the match). At 8-0, Baracus had a healthy lead and things were looking good for adding another win to our record. Another penalty kick for Baracus resulted in 3 more points from Rubble, bringing the score to 11-0.

A line-out was later awarded to San Jose, and after winning their lineout and passing it through the backs, Sean appeared out of nowhere! He intercepted one of San Jose’s passes and had a clear defender-less run 50 meters down the field to score an awesome try for BA. A successful conversion from Rubble had the score at 18-0. But in the last 10 minutes of the half, San Jose turned on their after-burners and began their comeback. They scored 4 quick tries (one of which was successfully converted) and were up 22-18 at half-time.

Throughout the match, it must be noted that Kuhns made amazing defensive tackles and made some great runs off of rucks and scrums, Tyler made beastly tackles and dominated every ruck he went in to, and Spencer made some awesome open-field tackles that helped prevent some San Jose tries.

The second half saw San Jose score two more tries that gave them a 34-18 lead. During a San Jose lineout, Doctor (jumping as a defensive jumper) seemingly unknowingly bitch-slapped a San Jose jumper in mid-air. It greatly expressed BA’s frustration at the circumstances. With only a few minutes left in the match, Fatback made a huge open-field run before passing the ball to Racer who then went on to score and add 5 more points to BA’s score. In the end, San Jose triumphed 34-23 over the Baracus, but we’re going to continue training hard over the next two weeks in preparation for a very important match against Fresno. BA.

Lineup: Tyler (1), Hammer (2), Chett (3), Sean (4), Pierre (5), Landis (6), Hans (7), Kuhns (8), Rubble (9), Stu (10), Spencer (11), Mosko (12), Roxie (13), Racer (14), Fatback (15)

Substitutes: Noah, Sleeper, Reed, Egan Brown, Q, Tony, Doctor, Brian, Sterling

************************************************************************

Killer Bee’s vs. San Jose B-Side

Killer Bee’s 25 – 41 San Jose B-Side

Scorers

Mike: 1 try

Noah 1 try

Q: 1 try, 1 conversion, 1 penalty/drop-kick (it was one of the two)

Evan: 1 try

Killer Bee’s!

I don’t know what it is, but it seems like every time the Killer Bee’s (henceforth referred to as the KGB) take to the field, the excitement level on the sideline sky-rockets to a whole new dimension.

Early in the game, comrade Mike (Noah’s buddy from the Aztecs) scored a try that gave the KGB a 5-0 lead over the Seahawks B-Side (hereafter referred to as the CIA). The CIA covertly struck back by stealing a KGB scrum and scoring a converted try. The CIA took the offensive and scored 3 more tries, leaving the score at 22-5 at the half.

The second half saw much more action, including a ridiculously awesome full-field KGB try (to be recounted below)…

After emerging from the gulag (the KGB try zone), comrade Walsh took the ball and ran for the other end of the field. The ball quickly got to comrade Reed, who made a grand march down the pitch. He then offloaded to agent Noah ( a CIA double-agent playing for the KGB), who made another sweet run to compound the meters gained by Reed’s run. But then the ball went back to Walsh! And then it went back to Noah!

…and then Noah scored a try.

There’s a lesson to be learned from the way this try was scored, and it’s this: what goes around comes around.

Anyways, comrade Q made the conversion and the KGB was down 22-12.

The KGB got close to the CIA’s homeland (Seahawks try zone) and was awarded a scrum on the 5-meter line. From the scrum, the ball made its way to comrade Q, who scored another try fo’ the K.G.B.

22-17.

The CIA, furious over agent Noah’s defection to the KGB, retaliated with two converted tries. Then agent Noah chased down one of his former countrymen and made an amazing tackle from behind that prevented the CIA from scoring a try.

Quickly, comrade Stalin (aka Evan, but only because he is the president of BA rugby), broke the CIA’s best defenses, infiltrated the homeland, and scored a try for the KGB. The CIA in turn scored another try for themselves.

Near the end of the match, a penalty (I think) was awarded to the KGB, but it looked like comrade Q drop-kicked it between the posts. Whatever it was, it gave the KGB 3 more points.

But in the end, the Wall came down and the CIA emerged victorious with a final score of 41-25.

A-Side Score: Baracus 30 – 21 Vacaville

Scorers

Racer: 2 tries
Roxie: 1 try
Mosko: 1 try
Doctor: 1 try
Fatback: 1 penalty, 1 conversion

It was a big day for Baracus, very much like the proverbial first day of school (no explanation needed).
Despite the tough loss against Santa Rosa the week before, BA kept their heads up, trained hard, and prepared for an important match against Vacaville, a team we lost to in the pre-season. But that was 2 months ago, and since then, BA has come to form team bond so strong both on and off the field that it gives us an edge against other teams.
Before delving in to this match report, I just want to make it known that while the whole team performed magnificently that day, Racer and Spencer had particularly beastly performances on the pitch.
Early on, Vacaville scored a converted try against, bringing the score to 7-0. Realizing the need to up their game, Baracus turned up the heat and brought great offensive pressure against Vacaville. Each time Vacaville tried to run the ball up the side, Spencer Padway (henceforth referred to as Bionic Man) made amazing tackles to repel Vacaville’s attack. In a moment of heightened play by Baracus, Hammer pick the ball from the back of a ruck and made a strong run toward Vacaville’s try zone then offloaded to an awaiting Roxie. Roxie, being as beastly as he is, made a great run (dodging tackles along the way) and scored Baracus’ first try. With the score at 7-5, Baracus was ready to take the lead, but another try from Vacaville raised the stakes to 14-5.
An insanely strong scrum from Baracus on the Vacaville 5-meter line drove back the Vacaville pack, allowing the ball to be passed to Racer, who scored his try of the match in the corner of the try zone. With half-time only minutes away, Roxie made a long run down the field, with beautiful offloads to Spencer and Mosko, almost resulting in a try for Baracus. At the half, Baracus was down 14-10 and needed to up the ante in the second half.
Soon after play restarted, Baracus drove back a Vacaville offense and stole a ruck. Great phase play through the backs allowed Racer to run down the sideline and score a needed try for Baracus. Same drill, different corner. 15-14. BA.
Baracus’ greatest strength was quickly realized as the pack repeatedly drove back the Vacaville forwards in every scrum. Vacaville almost had a break when they made an open-field run towards Baracus’ try zone, but were then stopped by a joint tackle from Racer and Akio (aka “The Firm Special”).
In response, Pierre took the ball and made a great lone run down the pitch. The ball again found its way to Racer, who ran up the side and offloaded the ball to Roxie. Roxie punched it further up the field, but then offloaded to Mosko, who then ran in to score BA’s 4^th try. Not only did it bring the score to 20-14, it got BA a bonus point in Division standings. However, Vacaville responded shortly after with a converted try, allowing them to take the lead, 21-20.
BUT.
THEN.
!
Doctor David Neale, an old man as salty as the South Atlantic, ran the 100-metre dash so quickly that he could’ve been competing in the Olympics, he dodged all Vacaville defenders and scored a lead-gaining try that was successfully converted by Fatback and brought the score to 27-21.
With mere seconds left in the game, BA was awarded a penalty. Fatback decided to kick for points and lobbed the ball beautifully through the posts. The final score of 30-21, BA denied Vacaville a bonus point for losing by more than 7 points.
4-1 record for the season so far! Baracus is only growing stronger as a team, and things are looking great for making it to playoffs. Check back next Monday to hear about our match against San Jose. Let’s go BA! Pity some fools!

Lineup: Tyler (1), Gavin (2), Sterling (3), Sean (4), Pierre (5), Hans (6), Hammer (7), Kuhns (8), Rubble (9), Stu (10), Racer (11), Mosko (12), Roxie (13), Spencer (14), Fatback (15)
Substitutes: Chett, Noah, Brian L., Doctor, Walsh, Akio, Q, Sam Kang

Final Score: Baracus 15 – 36 Santa Rosa

Scorers

Racer: 1 try

Fatback: 1 try

Rubble: 1 conversion, 1 penalty

The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

It was a sad day for the gentlemen of B.A. Baracus. Having headed into the weekend on a high of being 3-0 thus far, we all knew that Saturday was an important match. More importantly, we knew that it would be a difficult one. With the two previous weekends having been match-less, the men of Baracus put in extra effort to train harder to be physically and mentally prepared to take on Santa Rosa, also undefeated.

In the end, Baracus did not prevail over Santa Rosa and walked away with the first (AND LAST) loss of the season. Santa Rosa played a strong game and the Baracus can hold their heads high knowing they put up a great fight against one of the top teams in the nation and let Santa Rosa know that we don’t go down easily.

Baracus was able to put up some points, including great tries from Racer and Fatback, A conversion and penalty kick from Rubble added more points to BA’s total score.

In the end, Baracus learned two very important lessons from the against Santa Rosa: 1) We need to continue training hard every chance we get, both mentally and physically,; and 2) After lots of heated arguments and fights throughout the match, we have learned from Hammer that he “will shut up if you say ‘please.’”

Starting Lineup: Sleeper (1), Hammer (2), Tyler (3), Frickleton (4), Pierre (5), Sean (6), Hans (7), Kuhns (8), Rubble (9), Stu (10), Reed (11), Mosko (12), Roxie (13), Racer (14), Fatback (15).

Subs: Mike Torres, Landice, Mike Miller, Akio, Noah.

Scorers
Lex: 2 tries
Ben Nathan: 3 tries, 2 conversions
Oscar: 1 try
Darren: 1 try
Mystery Person: 1 try
Charlie Coffee: 1 conversion

Someone must have invented a time machine, because there were Baracus Old Boys as far as the eye could see (more like 6 or 7 of them). The B-side match was just as exciting and high-scoring as the Baracus A-side match before it. Ben “Knock-On” Nathan started the match off right by opting for a tap & go penalty, taking advantage of Berkeley’s confusion and easily putting the ball over for the first try of the match (and redeeming himself from the try-zone knock-on the week before). Just kidding Ben, we love you. He also scored the conversion kick, giving Baracus an early 7-0 lead.

Berkeley almost struck back with a try of their own, but Noah “Window” Wolcott knocked the Berkeley runner out of bounds before he could score a try, maintaining the status quo. Soon after Noah’s miraculous and lovely tackle, Lex scored a try of his own, increasing Baracus’s lead to 12-0; but a try and successful conversion from Berkeley left the score at 12-7 at the half.

The second half saw more exciting play (and scoring) as the Old Boys took to the field for Baracus and brought back the rugby skills and plays of years long gone. Oscar Cortez (not an Old Boy), received a beautiful offload from Mitch, broke 2 Berkeley tackles, and scored BA’s 3rd try of the match. Coffee’s conversion had BA up 19-7. While Baracus pushed back strongly against Berkeley’s offense, a Hobo forward stumbled over the goal line for a converted try. At 19-14, BA was still up, and little did they know, they were going to keep going up.

BA already has a brotherly duo on the team, the Lumberjacks, but BA’s original dynamic duo showed family love at its finest. Gramps (Kevin McCaffrey) took a pick from the back of a ruck and ran straight down the field. About to take a metaphorical bullet (tackle) for his brother, Gramps unselfishly offloaded the ball to his younger brother, Darren, who scored another try for Baracus. 24-14. Not long after, Oscar picked the ball from the back of a ruck and ran the ball to the 5 meter line. Ben Nathan picked up the loose ball for yet another try for Baracus. 29-14. Then Charlie Coffee set Lex up for a very long run down the field and another try. 34-14. A Berkeley penalty allowed Ben Nathan to pull off his signature move again, The Unsuspecting Tap & Go, putting the ball over for the final try of the match and a hat trick. In the end, the Killer B’s emerged victorious with a score of 41-14.

Scorers
Stuart: 2 tries
Rubble: 5 conversions, 1 penalty
Fatback: 1 try
Reed: 1 try
Pierre: 1 try
Roxie: 1 try
Racer: 1 try

There are so many ways I could frame Saturday’s rugby match between the BLA (henceforth referred to as the Baracustani Liberation Army) and Berkeley. The obvious choice would be to compare the game to a slaughterhouse, but that may upset any vegetarians reading this match report. There’s also the option of comparing it to Germany steamrolling through France…twice, but Pierre scored a try, so it wouldn’t seem right. Other possibilities I’ve considered include: Richard Branson’s success in multiple industries, cavemen chasing woolly mammoths off a cliff, bandits on horseback robbing a train in the Wild West, a pride of lions decimating a herd of gazelle, and the A-Team being the badass group of men they are.

But you know what? F*** it, we’ll do it live. This is rugby.

Before the match even began, there was a load of smack talk leading up to Saturday’s game. Both teams arrived at the pitch with a 2-0 record, and only one team would leave the pitch undefeated, so there was a lot riding on this game.

B.A. had spent the entire week leading up to the match intensely preparing for the game, mentally and physically. But we had a secret up our sleeve: the return of Kevin “KY Fatback” Hurley and his intense shoulder strap mechanism robot contraption (capable of shooting laser beams) that made Ray Lewis’ “elbow brace” look like a piece of gauze. (However, it is important to note here that Spencer “Superman” Padway still retains the honor of being the most heavily braced member of BA.)

The first minute of the match was intensely crazy as Berkeley ran the ball INTO the try zone and almost scored.

Now, I say “almost” because they weren’t successful.

Let me be a little clearer, no one, and I mean NO ONE, scores on the Baracustani Liberation Army in the first minute of anything. Only Racer can score (and finish) in under a minute. But these are only minor details. Fatback started the game off right for BA by tackling the Berkeley player in the try zone before the opponent had his chance to place the ball down, thus preventing the Berkeley. It couldn’t have been more clear: Fatback was back and he was ready to do some damage.

Written in my match notes, I have a small notation in the margin with an asterisk next to it that simply reads, “Akio is a beast.” Needless to say, Akio never seems to disappoint when he’s on the prowl because he takes down anything and anything carrying a rugby ball. At around the same time, Chuck (an Aussie who I would like to nickname “The Dingo”), making his debut with the Baracustani Liberation Army, tackled a Berkeley player so hard that it literally echoed across the field and instilled fear in the Berkeley offense (and soon, their defense as well).

From the top of a BA lineout, Jesse “Juice” Mallory passed the ball to Rubble, which then made its way into the skilled hands of Stu. With a Berkeley defender running at him, Stu dummied a pass to Roxie but then hit a gap in Berkeley’s defense and scored the first try of the match. Rubble, with that oh-so-magical boot of his, made the conversion, and BA was up 7-0 early in the match.

Not long after the first try, a scrum was awarded to Berkeley, which Baracus easily stole. With the ball coming out the back, Rubble passed the ball to Stu which was then popped to Fatback, who seemed to have teleported to Stu’s side from 50 feet away and went on to score BA’s second try. A successful conversion from Rubble put up another 7 points, bringing the score to 14-0.

With Baracus soon on the offense again and Stu facing several Berkeley defenders in front of him, he lobbed a cross-field kick to the right touchline where, after a bit of a jumble, Reed emerged with the ball, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, and put the ball down in the corner for a try. 19-0, baby. It’s looking good.
Now, I need to give a couple of quick shout-outs for awesome to defensive play to Akio and Chuck. Akio managed to take down a man ~4 times his size, while Chuck prevented a Berkeley try by chasing the fool down like a cheetah taking down a gazelle. And on top of all that, you know things aren’t looking good for Berkeley when one of their players tries to join Baracus by inserting himself into out back line.

Off of a full lineout, Baracus put together a beautiful maul that drove its way to Berkeley’s try zone, allowing Pierre to score Baracus’ 4th try of the match, bringing the score to 24-0 and giving the Baracustani Liberation Army a bonus point in league standings. A successful penalty kick from Rubble ended the half with a score of 27-0.

The second half started with another close call for Baracus when Berkeley almost scored a try in the right corner, but not before Reed could tackle the player out of bounds and maintaining the shutout score. With some sloppy play coming from Berkeley’s side, their knock-on led to advantage for Baracus. Fatback recovered the ball and made a pretty sweet run, offloaded to Roxie who ran in for a try. Rubble’s conversion had the score at 34-0.

Off a tap and go penalty, Berkeley was able to score their first and only try of the match. But that isn’t even the good part. The real glory of the moment came from when Fatback blocked the conversion with his bionic arm. 34-5.

Stu scored his second try of the match and Rubble made his 4th conversion, and the score stood at 41-5. At around the same point in time, Racer took a blow to his crotch (not the kind he would have liked). It didn’t stop him though, because Racer scored the final try of the game. Rubble’s boot gave Baracus the extra 2 points, and the game ended with a Baracus victory of 48-5. It turns out BA didn’t have that much to fear from Berkeley’s offense.

With no match scheduled for next week, 20 or so Baracii will be heading to Vegas on a high that comes from a 3-0 record to start off the season. We’re gonna get weird. BA!

BA Scorers
Lex: 2 tries
Bobby Simon: 1 try
Egan Brown: 1 try
Nick: 1 try
Akio: 1 try (for Marin)
Sean: 1 try (for Marin)

It was an interesting B-side match for the Baracus Killer B’s. As the team stood across the field from their opponents, I’m sure many of them couldn’t help but notice that many of their opponents were in fact fellow Baracii. Despite the plethora of Baracii kitted for some rugby, the match proved to be difficult as the score was very close throughout the game.

As the game began, both sides were strong at the rucks and quick to the breakdowns. A pass to Bobby “The Count” Simon resulted in an early, unconverted try that put the Killer B’s up 5-0. With the forwards pounding away with crash balls, the backs of the Killer B’s made some beautiful moves with the ball. A great run from Lex Luthor led to a perfect switch play that confused Marin’s defense and had Charlie Coffee running down the pitch toward the try-zone; but a step out of bounds ended play and gave a lineout to Marin.

The Killer B’s stole the lineout and the ball was pushed out to Egan Brown. Mr. Downtown Egan Brown schooled both teams on the origins of his nickname as he ran the ball way downtown to score another try for the Killer B’s. At 10-0, it looked like Baracus may have been getting its second shutout victory of the day. But those hopes faded quickly as Marin scored an unconverted try soon after, bringing the score to 10-5, still in Baraciis’ favor. Things began to look uncertain after another Marin try tied up the score at 10-10 at halftime.

Only a few minutes into the second half, a try from Nick put up 5 more points for the Killer B’s, putting them back in the lead at 15-10. After turnover ball, Marin launched a full-field attack that took the ball from their goal line all the way to the BA try-zone, only to be stopped by the legend himself, Alex Frickleton.

The Killer B’s were stunned as fellow teammate Akio scored a try…for Marin. Followed quickly by another try from Sean Kelly (also for Marin), catapulted the Reds into the lead with a score 22-15.
But we all know the Killer B’s don’t give up, and that they keep going until the final whistle is blown. For the next phase of play, I defer to the words of Noah “Window” Wolcott: “A wicked pick by Chuck off the ruck with a lovely dummy and pass to Lex on the wing led to a try along the touchline.”

At 22-20, it looked like the Killer B’s were poised for a comeback. However, another try from Marin widened the gap to 27-20. Lovely hands through the Killer B back line saw Lex diving over for his second try of the match; 27-25, BA was still down. A pass from Hammer (playing for the Reds) to a Marin player led to the final try of the match, locking the score in with a Marin victory of 32-25.

But wait! What’s that? The Killer B’s stole a Marin ruck? Wait, there’s more? Ben Nathan picked the ball and ran 50 meters through the Marin defense and straight into the try-zone at a shot of evening the score? Nope. Ben Nathan, in what may very well be Play Of The Year, knocked the ball on off of his own thigh while in the try-zone. It’s ok, though, the 50-meter run was pretty awesome.

The strong play from Baracus players (on both teams) and an evenly matched game kept the sidelines roaring, cheering, and a little anxious. The Killer B’s will be taking on Berkeley’s B-side on the afternoon of February 2nd in Vallejo. Check back for the match report.

Scorers
Roxie: 3 tries
Rubble: 4 conversions, 2 penalties
Quentin: 1 try
Stu: 1 try
Doc: 1 try
Mosko: 1 try
Noah: 1 try

Before I delve into what will be an Odyssey-esque match report, I want to start with a short remix of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song I specially composed for this occasion (music video release date TBA). Read it to the tune of the theme song; you know you know it. *Ahem*

Now this is a story all about how
Marin came to us and got shot down.
And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there
I’ll tell you we won the game (with big thanks to Pierre).

In west San Francisco, where we play
On the rugby pitch is where we spent our Saturday,
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool
And all playin’ some rugby outside a middle school

When a couple of guys
Who thought they were good
Didn’t back down when they knew they should.

***

You get the gist of it, so let’s get to the good stuff. (Truth be told, I couldn’t think of a good rugby-related rhyme for the next verse.)

Another Saturday, another rugby match, another victory. ‘Twas a good day, nay, a great day, for Baracus as they took on the Marin Reds. Eighty minutes of quality rugby resulted in 8 tries, 2 penalty goals, and 4 conversions for Baracus and a shutout score of 54-0. But these are just numbers and they don’t convey the glory (and grace) with which Baracus forged the road to victory. Grab a beer, sit back, and relax as I regale you with a tale of monstrously epic scale.

Soaring high above the city, the rugby ball must have felt as though it was ascending to the heavens before gravity brought it crashing back down into the loving arms of a Marin forward. But the comfort would not last, as a Marin scrum soon followed only to be wheeled by the mighty Baracus. It was evident early in the match that B.A. was blessed with fitness to spare. As though he was put on repeat, Akio “Ladyboy” Aida made three consecutive tackles that kept Marin behind the gain line and rallied the Baracustani Liberation Army (henceforth referred to as the BLA) to put up a Spartan-esque defense against their opponents to protect the homeland (i.e., the BLA try-zone).

Upping the ante from the previous week’s match, Racer made a tackle that had the sidelines cheering. As play continued, Marin attempted to kick the ball for space; much to Marin’s chagrin, Pierre “Le Merch” LaPointe pulled off what I like to call “The Stomping Frenchie.” After catching the ball after the kick, Pierre made quite the gain down field even as Marin players held on to him. It took 4 of Marin’s defenders to bring him down, but that didn’t halt the attack as Chett followed suit with a similar punch up the field. After receiving a pass from Stu, Justin “Roxie” McManus exploited a gap in Marin’s defensive line to score B.A.’s first try. A successful conversion from Barney Rubble put the score at 7-0 early in the game.

Not long after, Dr. David Neale weaved through the Marin line with surgical precision to add another try for Baracus. A missed conversion kick saw B.A. up 12-0, but the match was far from over. A penalty to Baracus allowed Rubble’s magic boot to send the ball between the posts, adding 3 more points for the BLA.

As play resumed, Rubble made a box kick from the back of a ruck that sent the ball into Marin’s 22-meter line. While they may have thought they were safe, the Akio made a sexily nasty tackle that had the Reds shaking in their boots. Another penalty to the BLA had Rubble putting up 3 more points, widening the gap between the two teams with a score of 18-0 near halftime.

Marin’s kick-off to restart play after the penalty kick sent the ball straight into Jesse’s arms; this was bad news for Marin. The Wolfman drove the ball a considerable distance up the field with the ferocity and savageness of a feral pack of wolves in the Alaskan wilderness. After some phase play, Marin had their chance to put up some points with a penalty kick but missed wide. At halftime, the score stood at 18-0.

Stu’s kickoff to start the second half sent the ball deep into Marin territory, but a knock-on by the Reds gave the BLA a scrum only 5 meters out from Marin’s try-zone. From the back of the scrum the ball was sent quickly to the right to Quentin, who scored a try that made an early statement for the glory to come in the second half. At 23-0, things were looking good. But B.A. doesn’t settle for “good,” we strive for greatness!

After receiving the kickoff, the Irishman (Stu) decided to kick the ball back into Marin territory for some temporary relief, leading to some fumbling by the Reds’ fullback. With the ball turned over in a ruck, Ladyboy and Juice (aka “Wolfman”, aka Jesse) made great runs with the ball to bring the BLA closer to another try.

And then, BAM! Roxie Cocksie broke a Marin tackle and dove over the goal line to score his second try of the match! Another successful conversion from Rubble put Baracus up 30-0. Soon after play resumed with a Marin kickoff, Noah “Window” Wolcott broke through Marin’s defense and scored another try for Baracus. Another kick, another conversion, another 2 points from Rubble. 37-0.

Now, as the match continued, Stu almost pulled off a play that I’ve rarely seen happen even in professional rugby matches. He ran the ball right at Marin, and just before getting tackled, made a lovely chip-kick that he then chased down and almost caught, which would have surely led to a try for Baracus. I don’t care that he knocked it on, ma boy’s got some hella nice game.

Later on, Marin gained possession of the ball near their own try-zone and a very speedy player on their team nearly made it to the 50-meter line. That is, until Doctor beat him down with a history lesson worthy of a thesis. (I know the preceding sentence doesn’t make sense, but leave it be.) The ball then made its way over to the right side of the field and was passed to Jeremy “Peace in the Middle East” Moskowitz who, despite being hit by a soccer ball, ran the ball 50 meters to score a try. With the conversion kick successful, the BLA was ahead 44-0.

Mr. T must’ve been watching over Roxie that day, for he broke through the Marin line AGAIN to score his 3rd try of the match. Soon after, a Marin player was sin-binned, followed by a sin-binned Ladyboy. The field seemed a little emptier with each team down a player.

I would just like to take a moment here to dedicate a whole “paragraph” to Blake Holland for being the most impassioned and enthusiastic person on the sideline while sporting his trademark yellow, white, and blue-striped rugby polo.

Back to the game.

A beautiful pass from Sean Kelly to the Doctor saw the salty Doc making a nice (albeit lonely) run down the pitch toward the Marin goal line. Off the ruck the ball was pushed out to Stu who put the ball over for Baracus’ eighth and final try of the game. At 54-0, Baracus achieved a glorious victory, we gained an extra point in league standings for scoring more than 4 tries.

While praise certainly goes to B.A.’s offensive play and strong rucking from the forwards, it would be wrong to conclude this match report without giving due credit to Tyler and Hans for putting up an impenetrable Baracus defense and isolating Marin’s Number 8 on the scrums throughout the match.

The Baracustani Liberation Army will be taking on Berkeley RFC on Saturday, February 2nd at 2pm in Vallejo for a shot at starting off the season 3-0. B.A.!

Lineup: Tyler (1), Sleeper (2), Chett (3), Pierre (4), Juice (5), Akio (6), Doc (7), Kuhns (8), Rubble (9), Stu (10), Racer (11), Roxie (12), Reed (13), Noah (14), Quentin (15). Subs: Tony, Brian, Sean, Mosko, Hans, Charlie Coffee.

Scorers

Rubble: 3 penalties, 1 conversion, 1 try (16 points total)

Tony: 1 try (5 points total)

Quentin: 1 penalty (3 points total)

The sun rose over the city by the bay, basking San Francisco with unseasonable warmth. Over the usual sounds of the hustle and bustle of city-life, the Baracus war cry could be heard: “Show cones! Show cones!”

There were two questions on everyone’s minds that fateful morning: Would the BA Baracus win their season opener against Chico? And how many points would Barney Rubble score? Unbeknownst to the Baracii, the rugby gods were on their side.

At 1pm at 3223 Ortega Street in the Outerlands (i.e., the Outer Sunset), the teams began their battle to see who would emerge victorious and start their season off the on right foot. Early in the game, Racer made a monster tackle, setting the standard for Baracus’ defense throughout the match. An early penalty to Chico gave us the first scrum of the match, which Baracus easily stole, leading to a kick by Reed that smashed the ball downfield and had Chico on their heels.

After a penalty to Baracus, Barney “The Boot” Rubble lined up what would be the first of many penalty kicks he would take during the match. Putting the ball through the posts, Baracus was now up 3-0 and things were looking good. Chico’s kickoff to Baracus resumed play, but another penalty from the Mighty Oaks meant another chance for Rubble to widen the gap between Baracus and Chico. Once again, the ball sailed over the crossbar and Baracus was up 6-0.

As the game went on, it was evident that the Baracus defense would have to keep a close eye on Chico’s fullback and winger, both of whom were light on their feet and found the gaps. But John Kuhns didn’t let that get to him, as he continued to make tackle after tackle, preventing Chico from making significant progress up the field. A turnover ball to the Baracus led to beautiful phase play ending with Tony Ryan scoring the first try of the game, putting Baracus further ahead at 11-0. With Rubble’s blessed boot, Baracus racked up 2 more points, putting Baracus at 13-0. Another penalty, another kick from Rubble, another 3 points, things were looking good for Baracus with a 16-0 lead near half-time.

But soon the potential for a shut-out came to an end when Chico’s wing ran the full length of the field, snaking through the Baracus defense, and putting up Chico’s first points of the game. With a successful conversion kick, the score stood at 16-7. Stuart the wirie Irishman took a boot to the face and had to come off to clean up the blood and was sin-binned soon after, a loss that the Baracus would certainly notice.

The second half began with the Baracus short of their fly-half and needing to hold the line of defense against Chico. An injury to Spencer Padway’s ankle led to rookie Dylan Stein receiving his first test cap for the Baracus. Again, another penalty was awarded to Baracus and Rubble lined up the shot. The ball just missed the right post and the score remained 16-7.

Then the darkness came. Two back-to-back tries for Chico with successful conversions put them ahead at 21-16. After such a promising start to the game, things were looking grim for Baracus’ first game, a match that would certainly set the tone for the rest of the season. But we are Baracus!

Tyler Jordan broke through the awaiting Chico defensive line and offloaded the ball to Dylan, who ran at least 50 meters down the right sideline. A quick pass to Rubble allowed the Flintstone character to score a try that Betty would’ve been proud of. But the glory was not yet Baracus’, as a missed conversion left the score even at 21-21. With the match nearing the end, it was still anyone’s game and both teams were tense. Baracus was awarded another penalty and Rubble opted to kick for the points needed to secure the match for Baracus’ first victory. He just missed the posts and both teams were still feeling the pressure.

Then, from the sideline, Quentin the Frenchman came in as a substitute. There were only a few minutes left and Baracus needed to score, when another penalty was awarded to Baracus. Quentin readied the ball for the kick as the sidelines became silent. BOOM! Right through the posts and 3 points for Baracus put them back in the lead, 24-21. After some tough defense from the Baracii, we held our own, made a beautiful (albeit nerve-wracking) comeback, and won our first match of the season. This match was also a first: the victorious strike delivered by the French (i.e., the French have never won a war on their own…it’s true). However, this match report wouldn’t be complete without acknowledging the tremendous skills of those who played, and notably the monster tackles delivered the Akio and Gavin.

Join us next Saturday, January 26, as the Baracus take on Marin. Same time, same place.